Hope for Black Love Restored at CNN Black in America 2 Preview

I have been concerned, scared and hopeless about the state of Black love. Not quite the appropriate emotions to carry as a Christian who is called to be carefree, courageous and hopeful.

The numbers about Black love tell a sober and somber story. Forty-five (45) percent of Black women in the U.S. have never been married. When compared to Whites, Hispanics and Asians, Black women are least likely to get married.

Sixty (60) percent of Black homes were headed by married couples in the early 1960s; today, the number has dropped to less than 30 percent. As if that was not enough, Blacks have higher divorce rates than Whites, Hispanics and Asians.

This ain't good for me and my single friends. So, earlier this year, I tried to do something within my sphere of influence to improve the odds. 

I hosted a co-ed discussion about Black love with a focus on what makes men tick. The goal was to  have everyone, especially the women, read Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," and to have the men in the room expound upon the themes of the book.

In my mind, Black men and women need to get over, under, around or through the impasse that exists. And a couple of hours together would be the beginning of better understanding and the start of productive, enjoyable dates and courtships for everyone.

Things did not turn out the way that I planned.

Some of the blame is with me. I could have done a better job of setting up the conversation and desired outcome. But more than anything, my evening of empowerment, reconciliation and hope turned into a night of provocative and pointless comments and a contest to see who wore Magnum XLs.

My guests do not know this, well, maybe some do, but I checked out mentally and emotionally that night. I turned my attention away from wanting people to be more likeable to pouring drinks and pushing finger food. I ended my night by getting in the bed and crying big ol' tears of embarrassment, frustration and disappointment.

Since that evening, my discontent has grown and began to come out in ways that have not served me well. Thankfully, two days ago, I carried my dissatisfaction with Black love, in general, and my love life, specifically, to a preview screening of CNN's Black in America 2 and left it in the theater. I found hope in the story of James and Tina Barnes and the Wedded Bliss Foundation.

The WBF is based in Washington, DC and was formed by Nisa Muhammad who currently serves as its executive director. Nisa's mission is to bring resources, support and direction to the Black community so that happy marriages are the rule and not the exception.

One of the resources featured in Black in America 2 is the WBF's Basic Training for Couples. This is an 8-week program that teaches the skills needed to have healthy relationships and marriages. The training was developed by Nisa and Dr. Rozario Slack and focuses on the importance of marriage, "sweetness of surrender," productive communication skills and positive conflict resolution. There is also a Basic series for singles, women and men.

This is it, people. Black men and women can have loving, healthy partnerships because someone saw the need for positive relationship modeling and marriage instruction and acted!

I am not going to give away the details of James and Tina's story. You and I will have to watch Black in America 2 on July 22 and 23 at 8 p.m. eastern/7 p.m. central to find out if the WBF was able to help the couple.  In addition, CNN has prepared a study guide that you can use to facilitate conversations around all aspects of the documentary; visit www.cnn.com/specials/2009/black.in.america to access.

This blog is about solutions and I have, with encouragement from the WBF, accepted responsibility for supporting a paradigm shift with regard to Black love. 

The WBF spearheads Black Marriage Day, which is an annual event designed to celebrate black marriage and help children, teens and adults understand why marriage matters.  The next Black Marriage Day will be held on March 28, 2010, and I am going to respond to the WBF's call to action by organizing a workshop or celebration in my city.

What are you going to do?

Comments

[Mark W.]

Dana, read your blog about Black Love. It ain't dead or gone. We just are seeing that it ain't easy nor is it for everybody.

[You Make Me Sick]

Thanks for reading and your comment. Love ain't for everybody? Or not everybody black is to be with someone black?

[Mark W.]

Both. We are meant to be flexible and we also need examples of loneliness and misery. They serve us as reminders that the hard work required is worth it.